It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
