If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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