He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
