I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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