she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
