Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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