You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
