I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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