She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
