No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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