She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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