I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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