I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
