Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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