can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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