dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
