i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
