Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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