facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
