Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
