so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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