I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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