he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
