my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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