its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize