I just cut my nipple shaving
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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