i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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