Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am naked and annoyed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
