I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
