You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
