the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she smelled like a LAN party
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
