"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
