He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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