And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
