I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
