i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
