i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
