Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
