So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
