We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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