youre lurking in front of me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
