Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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