it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
