Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
