i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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