Screwed.edu
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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