I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
