The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
