My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize