I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
