i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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