how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
