We need to rekindle our bromance
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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