Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You're like the curious george of whores
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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