sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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