I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
