so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
