i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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