She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
