Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
