Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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