She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
