Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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