All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
