i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
