wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
