You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
