I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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