dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
