im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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