Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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