I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
