i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
