Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The air taste purple.
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