you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
