no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
