I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
