You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize