you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
this will be a night to untag.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
