i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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