I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
