Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
