What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
