Three words: puerto rican gang bang
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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