New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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