See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My liver just had a heart attack.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
