The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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