Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
