So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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