Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
