I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
