So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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