you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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