as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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