Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
