Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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