did you get engaged???
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
