I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize