Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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