smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
