i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
