he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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