I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
