Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
