No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
