I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
