So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
