if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
