you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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