and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
