I wish I could punch you in the face.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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