I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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