I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
