She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
