I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
