what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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