Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
