yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
